This eighteenth day of August in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and seventy-nine

No. 1879/SNAKE/01

SPECIFICATION OF THE MECHANICAL SNAKE-CATCHER

VICTORIA, by the Grace of God,
of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland,
Queen, Defender of the Faith,
To all to whom these presents shall come, greeting;

WHEREAS a humble Petition hath been presented unto Us by the Department of Industrial Inventions, of the City of London, praying that We would be graciously pleased to grant unto them Our Royal Letters Patent for the sole use, benefit, and advantage of their Invention for “IMPROVEMENTS IN THE CAPTURE OF AQUATIC REPTILES BY STEAM-HEATED MECHANICAL MEANS.”

PROVISIONAL SPECIFICATION

The nature of the said invention is to provide a stationary or barge-mounted apparatus for the humane containment of large serpents within industrial waterways.

  1. THE HEAT-LURE ASSEMBLY: A copper-jacketed internal chamber heated by a multi-boiler steam manifold to simulate the warmth of prey.
  2. THE KINETIC TRAIN: A clockwork ‘Heartbeat’ thumper driven by a primary reducer gear stack to draw the beast by rhythmic vibration.
  3. THE SECURING MECHANISM: A sequence of wrought-iron ‘Rib-Clamps’ actuated by a pressure plate and secured by a heavy-duty internal ratchet and pawl system.

COMPLETE SPECIFICATION

NOW KNOW YE, that in pursuance of the conditions of the said Letters Patent, we do hereby particularly describe and ascertain the nature of the said Invention and the manner in which the same is to be performed.

  • THE STEAM CIRCUITRY: Low-pressure steam is piped from coal-fired furnaces into the lure box, monitored by water level gauges.
  • THE CAPTURE LOGIC: The ingress is facilitated by a tapered iron funnel with one-way spring-hinged barbs. Upon full ingress, a Rib Actuation Cam Gear releases the snap-lock mechanism.
  • SIGNALING: A signal flare detonation lever is linked to the primary flywheel bearing assembly to notify authorities upon a successful strike.

IN WITNESS whereof, we have caused these Our Letters to be made Patent. Witness Ourself at Westminster This eighteenth day of August, in the forty-second year of Our Reign.

Printed by GEORGE EDWARD EYRE and WILLIAM SPOTTISWOODE, Printers to the Queen’s most Excellent Majesty, 1879.

Engineering diagram showing a steam-engine like contraption designed to capture a huge snake

MECHANICAL SNAKE-CATCHER ‘THE MAW’: COMPONENT SCHEMATIC AND KINETIC TRAIN ANALYSIS

OFFICIAL OPERATING MANUAL:

MECHANICAL “The Maw” SNAKE-CATCHER

No. 1879/SNAKE/01

DEPT. OF INDUSTRY

For the engineer assigned to “The Maw” on the Birmingham Canal, the following manual must be followed with the utmost precision. Failure to maintain the steam-pressure or the clockwork rhythm may result in the beast losing interest—or worse, the destruction of the barge.

Drawing of the snake catching device deployed in a canal, with the bottom half below surface level in order to lure the serpent

MECHANICAL SNAKE-CATCHER ‘THE MAW’ — AS DEPLOYED IN B.HAM CANAL, 1879

I. Pre-Deployment (The Warm-Up)

  1. Stoke the Furnaces: Ensure the coal-fired furnaces are brought to a steady glow. The Multi-Boiler Assembly must reach a pressure of 15 PSI—sufficient to heat the lure without scalding the specimen.
  2. Prime the Lure: Open the Heat-Lure Manifold valve. Observe the Heat-Sensing Plate; it should be warm to the touch (resembling the flank of a prize ox).
  3. Check the Barbs: Manually depress each One-Way Spring-Hinged Barb in the funnel. They must snap back instantly. Grease with lard if any friction is detected.

II. Setting the Trap

  1. Winch the Counterweight: Using the manual crank, raise the Lead Counterweight until the Manual Safety Detent Lever clicks into the ‘Armed’ position.
  2. Synchronize the ‘Heartbeat’: Wind the clockwork Thumper key. Set the tempo to 45 beats per minute. This rhythmic thrumming will travel through the hull and into the canal water to mimic a swimming mammal.
  3. Clear the Deck: All personnel must retreat to the aft cabin. The Anaconda is highly sensitive to surface vibrations and human scent.

III. The Capture Sequence

  1. The Ingress: Monitor the Main Drive Pinion through the viewing port. As the serpent enters the The Throat, the gears may hum. Do not interfere.
  2. The Trigger: When the specimen’s weight settles on the False Floor Trigger Plate, the Rib Actuation Cam Gear will disengage the safety.
  3. The Snap-Lock: The Wrought-Iron Ribs will strike with a heavy clack. Ensure the Internal Ratchet & Pawl has locked the ribs tight. The serpent is now “caged” by its own anatomy.

IV. Post-Capture Protocol

  1. Signal for Aid: Pull the Signal Flare Detonation Lever immediately. This notifies the Shire-Horse teams and the Constabulary.
  2. Vent the Steam: Open the Steam Circuitry Exhaust to cool the lure box. A hot snake is an agitated snake; a cool snake is a docile snake.
  3. Secure the Winch: Engage the Manual Safety Detent to ensure the ribs cannot be pried open by the beast’s muscular contractions during transport.

WARNING: Under no circumstances is the Engineer to attempt to “pet” or “measure” the serpent until it has been safely delivered to the Royal Zoo.